CAMPAIGN HUMOR

CAMPAIGN HUMOR

ONE

It seems that the 2004 election was so close that the Electoral College vote was tied, and that Congress couldn’t break the deadlock, and the Supreme Court decided they’d better not again make the decision themselves. So they sent Bush and Kerry to a frozen lake in Northern Wisconsin to have an ice fishing contest.

No one was allowed to accompany them, and they were on their honor to let the guy who caught the most fish in five days become president.

On the first day they went out in different directions. Kerry came back with ten fish. Bush caught none. On the second day, Kerry caught twenty fish and again W came back empty handed. When Kerry brought back 25 fish on day three and W still hadn’t caught any, Bush got worried and telephoned Cheney for advice.

“He’s probably cheating,” suggested the VP.

“I hadn’t thought of that,” said W.

“You’re probably right. What do we do?”

Cheney suggested that, instead of going fishing the next day, Bush follow Kerry to see what he was doing. At the end of day 4, Bush called Cheney up and told him, “You were right, Dick, the bastard is cheating.”

“What’s he doing?” asked Cheney.

“He’s cutting holes in the ice!”

TWO

A Message From John Kerry

My name is John F. Kerry and you must trust me to keep most Americans safer from terrorism most of the time because my decision making process is better. Just look at how I’ve managed my campaign.

I believe that no decision is final; no position is irrevocable; and no answer is unambiguous. I do have core beliefs but I must always save room to adapt and change. Let no one say I have no core beliefs.

I believe that process is more important than simple minded “integrity” because all of the important stakeholders and interest groups, particularly the Opinions of the left wing of the Democratic Party and of World Leaders, must be fully taken into account before any Important Decision is made. My room to maneuver must be always protected. This is why no decision can ever be final. Did I already say that? You must have missed the nuance or taken my remarks out of context or both.

My name is John F. Kerry and I am still considering whether to approve this message.

This piece was first posted on “The Policy Think Site”

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Copyright © 2004 by Jay B. Gaskill

For permission to copy, publish, distribute or print, contact:

Jay B. Gaskill, attorney at law, via e mail: response@jaygaskill.com

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